Raising Muslim Kids Fairly
Numan Ibn Bashir said “My father gave me a gift, but my mother, ‘Amrah bint Rawaahah said, ‘I will not approve of it until you ask the Prophet ﷺ to bear witness to it.’ So my father went to the Prophet ﷺ to ask him to bear witness to the gift. The Prophet ﷺ said to him, ‘Have you done the same for all of your children?’ He said, ‘No.’ He ﷺ said, ‘Then this is not just, and I surely cannot be a witness except to what is just.’” [Bukhari]
For parents it can be a challenge trying to find balance when raising kids. They may not be alike in needs, personality or behaviour. Sometimes a parent might even get on with one child like a kindred spirit whilst with another be at logger heads enough to look at them and wonder ‘Clearly my personality gene was switched off in you!’ However, seeing or not seeing eye to eye, is not a proof of love, or its absence.
But of course it is a given that the expectation is parents will love and cherish all their offspring dearly - they’re ours. However Allah (swt) fashions them, we love them the best we can.
Sometimes convincing a doubtful child of that can be a tricky path to tread, but it is achievable through justice and fairness. A child has a keen sense of justice. They know the difference between necessities and gifts and it’s often gifts that can cause grief as they may carry the connotation of marked favour. If Abdullah gets the goalie kit he needs for school hockey or Maryam a camera for GCSE photography class - no problem. But start encroaching on the way we share our time, give outward affections or what they perceive as gifts or treats unevenly - they’ll see it from a mile off!
At the heart every child wants to be the centre of their parents love and attention. It’s only natural. So we’ve got to be mindful to do our utmost to be fair in dealings with our children otherwise we may give the wrong message. If we’re fair and just, we teach them to be the same in their lives with others. We begin to root out any possibility of sibling rivalry and we boost their self-esteem, ground them in the knowledge they 𝙖𝙧𝙚 loved, secure, happy in their homes, making fond childhood memories for themselves.
𝑴𝒖𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 of 𝗦.𝗡.𝗝𝗮𝗹𝗮𝗹𝗶 ✍🏼 (𝑨𝒖𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒓 of 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗛𝗼𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝗜𝗯𝗻 𝗞𝗮𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗿 𝗦𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘀, Islamic chapter books for kids📚)
